Almost Lover
by ToTheBeatofMyOwnDrummer
Summary: "Merlin, though he may be the missing half of your own soul, I never said that you were the missing half of HIS." Oneshot


Short Oneshot written months ago for the lovely EvaAngel and her fanart of the couple with the same name. Decided to finally post it here since I re-read it today and realized it didn't suck too bad.

Disclaimer: I do not own the TV show Merlin, Colin or Bradley, nor Merlin or Arthur. Which is probably a good thing in the long run. And I also don't own the picture that inspired this fic either.

Enjoy. (:

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><p><em>Innocence is...<em>

His chest hurt. No, ached was a more appropriate word. But it didn't matter. He had decided he was going to be happy for them, and truly he was. He was positively thrilled that Arthur had finally sucked it up and proposed to Gwen, social standings be damned. She deserved it; she would make a beautiful bride, and he had no doubt she would make a kind and just queen.

After all, this was what he wanted, wasn't it? For Arthur to be happy. That's what he'd been striving for, hoping for, bleeding for all these past fleeting years. And Arthur was happy, ecstatic, even. He'd paced his chambers for hours before he'd finally worked up the courage to go to Gwen. And of course Merlin had been by his side the whole time, encouraging him and insulting him by turns, as he had for as long as they'd been together-been friends. Arthur had expected no different. For though Merlin was now Court Sorcerer, he was still Arthur's friend and most trusted advisor; of course he had wanted his input.

And Merlin had been there for him, hadn't he? Just like always. No matter how many time he'd sworn he was through and he was simply going to wash his hands of that great King bloody prat Arthur, he'd always come back. Come back to find Arthur sitting exactly as he'd left him, staring at the door with a smirk on his face. Bastard.

He smiled as Gwen passed by on her way down the isle. They'd asked him to officiate, but he'd said no. How could he possibly keep it together in front of all those people? He was barely able to keep himself from trembling as it was. He didn't give the emotion a name, but he knew what it was; didn't need to acknowledge it to know that it was there. But he has become so very good at burying his emotions over the years, no one was able to tell the differnece anymore, hardly. With the exception of Arthur of course. Though he would deny it if asked.

Merlin absently thought back to a time, all those years ago, when he'd called the Great Dragon, fallen to his knees before the mighty beast, tears running down his face, throat scraped raw with supressed screams, and he'd begged the dragon to tell him it wasn't true, that the Fates couldn't possibly be cruel enough to do this to him. He'd made a vow to protect his future King at all costs, give up his life if need be, but his heart? He hadn't meant for that to be part of the deal as well. No one had warned him of this.

_"Why? Why did it have to be him? He's my best friend for God's sakes, this can't be happening!"_

_"Did you not swear to give your all for the Prince? To give him your entire being if need be? Were you not prepared for this, young warlock?"_

_"I was prepared to die. I was prepared to kill and destory if he asked be to. I was prepared to defend. I was prepared to do anything for him, complete any task he asked of me. I was not prepared for this-this-pain! This agony!"_

_"I am sorry Merlin. Perhaps I am partly to blame, for giving you the wrong impression for so long..."_

Merlin clapped and smiled and wished the newly wedded couple well just as everyone did. He laughed and snarked and joked with Arthur at the reception, just as he must. Just as he would for as long as he lived. Longer, if that's what his King wanted. He would do anything for him, always would. Death couldn't stop that. And he would wait an enternity to be with him again. He could do all of those things. But he could never stop loving him, no matter the damage to his own self: his own mind, his own heart.

That was the one thing he could not do for his friend, could never do. But he could spare him the pain of knowing. Of the knowledge that his very exsistence left an aching, raw hole in Merlin's chest that could never be filled, never be healed. He could at least keep him from that, from causing him unessesary pain.

His chest hurt. No, ached was a more appropriate the word. But it didn't matter. He had decided he was going to be happy for them, and truly, he was.

_"I've always said that you were two sides of the same coin, aye, that is true, and I stand by my word to this day. But Merlin, though he may be the missing half of your own soul, I never said that you were the missing half of HIS."_

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><p>Here's a link to the picture, and I'm sure you know the drill with the spaces by now: evaangel. deviantart. com  art / Merlin- Almost- Lover- 157192236?q= gallery%3 Aevaangel%2F24359305&qo= 14

Reviews, as always, are much appreciated but not expected of course. (:


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